Hearing God's Voice

"I am tweaked again. 
Royally flippin' tweaked.
I'm so tired and wrung, my body hurts from being tired.
Or hurts at the first chance to let down and be tired." -John Eldridge (walking with God)


"I loath my very life; therefore I will give free rein to my complaint and speak out in the bitterness of my soul.  Job 10:1


When the world around you seems to crumble like a flaky muffin, or when your daily joy no longer comes from what you have found comfortable; the Lord is pulling you near to him.


Over the last months the Lord has drawn me to Himself.  Although it has taken time to realize what exactly He is doing, I have found Him near to me and able to hear His voice.


Not having a job, not getting the job of my dreams, expectations crushed and fearing a daily deepening depression; I have found that life is not about the comfort of having a beautiful comfy little life.  The Lord has more in store for me than a comfy feeling at the end of the day.


He wants me, more than I've wanted Him.


I have been busy, trying to figure "it" out.  When will life ease up, or finally get into its groove.


He says, wake up! today, for today is where I want to see you seek me.  Not the things of this world.  Anything you gain in this world will be left in this world, but what you gain in Me, I will find joy in you when I see you face to face.


I have been denying my lack of devotion to Him.  I think I am fine.  I wake up an hour early to read and pray.  I pray all day long.  Face to the ground.  Having nowhere to go or no daily agenda, I cry "O, God help me!" I have been in the dust.  If I had dust around me I would have covered my body just as Job did.  But all I have is tears.


All I've wanted was to get a job, which would have taken me west 10 hours and blessed Jodi and I's life in many ways.  Am I not good enough for that job?  I must be no good.  I AM a loser.  I believed 2 months ago I would have that job, that security, that hope filled.  Now I am lost and confused after waiting to hear from them for a month.  O how we can believe satan so easily.  Agreeing to his statements.  We listen to satan and think he was right.


But the truth is: I was waiting on God to help me, when He was there all along.  Deut. 13:3 says, "The LORD your God is testing you to find out whether you love him with all your heart and will all your soul."


PAIN. PA-IN. PennsylvaniA to INdiana.  All I had dreamed of, hoped for, thought I'd get.  I prayed, I fasted, I thought I did everything I was suppose to do. Right? Others prayed too!


"It's not that God doesn't want us to be happy.  He does.  It's just that he knows that until we are holy, we cannot really be happy." -John Eldridge


"Usually through pain God is asking us to let go of the things we love and have given our hearts to, so that we can give our hearts even more fully to Him." -JE


It is hard not to make agreements to the spirit of discouragement, doubt, comfort, and resignation.  To give into what we know we shouldn't.  To lose hope.


But who am I listening to?


God I am a wreck.  I want life the way I want life.  It is wrong, I know now.  Help me hear your voice.  help me to get right.  Help me hear your voice right now.  What are you speaking to me?


Daniel, you are my son, as your Father I have everything you need.  Come near to me and I will guide you where I want you to be.  Trust me.  I love you.  You are my beloved son.  Don't you know I know what I am doing?  It was just a job.  This life I have given you is bigger than that.  More important than that.  You have money saved up right?  You are safe and secure.  Now, trust me.  


O yeah, O yeah.  I forgot.  I wasn't really trying to listen to you. I was listening to myself.  


Yeah, but now you're with me.  That's all I want.


Well Lord, thanks for your peace. I was scared.  I was full of fear.  I was lost.  But now life is beautiful and I have nothing but you.  This is a blessing.


Anxiety, fear, self loathing, anger and depression: these were my choices;  I chose to listen to my enemy.  I forget satan is a real enemy.  That he is real.  More importantly, I forgot that God was real and present.  I forgot to listen to Him.


"The first and greatest command is to love God with our whole being.  yet, it is rare to find someone who is completely given over to God.  And so normal to be surrounded by people who are trying to make life work.  We think of the few who are abandoned to God as being sort of odd.  The rest of the world - the ones trying to make life work - seem perfectly normal to us."  - John Eldridge


For further encouraging guiding words go to Job 38.  The Lord replies to Jobs sorrows, confusions, fears, double-minded thoughts.  And Job 42, Job replies to the Lord.


This is how we should live.


God speaks.  We have to listen.  He is right there. Right now. Right now.  Ask Him something.  
(This sadly is rarely spoken of, even in church.  We hear hundreds of stories of God speaking to His people, but we are not taught that He speaks to us "like that anymore".  Why read and not believe He speaks to us anymore? What is it we are believing?)


God, help me see that all I need is you.  Strip away what I don't need.  Bring me closer to you.  It may bring pain.  It may be out of my comfort.  It might be different than I expected.  But if it gets me closer to you, then do it by all means.  You are God.  I cannot have reservations for this earth.  I am selfish, and my will brings me closer to earthly desires and not your will.  As I pause and wait, help me to hear your whisper, your quiet patient voice.  


"Until now you have not asked for anything in my name.  Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete."  John 16:24